Diagnosis Day

So it had happened, the news was given. It was delivered in the best way it could be by Rehan (Dr Mustafa), I can’t imagine having to tell that to someone you know personally and have worked with closely. Kudos to him for that.

So, incurable cancer, devastated. So what’s the first thing you say when someone tells you that? Minds racing. A million questions, so what was mine? ‘When can I go back to work?’ (cue some silence).

So we came out of there (me and Mark) and both felt like we’d been hit by a bus (minus the obvious major trauma!). What do we do, we stood in the road and cried (the risk of that bus hitting us has gone up a notch!). We decide to go straight home and tell the kids. We have always been completely honest with them and this is not the thing for them to find out by proxy.

So we did. More devastation occurred. We answered their questions and spoke to them at length. Next, my family. We called them all to come over, I know it’s 2021 but a Facebook status was probably pushing it a bit! So they came. Apart from my oldest brother Gary who had the other big C (COVID). He was on the table on loud speaker. More devastation occurred. Again we answered questions and spoke at length. Scott (the middle child, so called as he fits the bill! cue laughy emoji). Walked out, too much for him to take in. Next, Marks family. Next, my close friends. Next, our close friends. More devastation occurred (See there’s a theme here?!).

So that was it, it was out. No going back, no returns, no refunds. I had it. Wow. The days that flowed were a whirlwind. Lots of messages, cards, beautiful flowers, oh the flowers, so many, we ran out of vessels to put them in!! Visits by so many people (dark humour alert), I think everyone thought I was going to die the following week (cue laughy emoji). Lots of laughing, crying and reminiscing happened after that. I felt so absolutely loved, I cried about that too.

So then it was my birthday. I've never thought much into birthdays. Come and go as they do. But this one seemed pivotal for me, would I see another one? My 40th next year, big plans, would they happen? This leads you on to thinking about other big moments. The girls finishing school. The girls finishing college. Mark’s 40th birthday. The girls graduating. The girls getting married and having children. How many big occasions would I see? Who would be there for them all when I wasn’t? I have placated myself with this, I will see as much as I can for as long as I can. That’s all that I can do. Who knows what the future holds……